An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."
She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women." The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian
5/28/2006
5/27/2006
Short Funny Joke
2 sausages in an oven. 1st one says: jesus it's hot in here!"
2nd one says " fuck me a talking sausage!"
2nd one says " fuck me a talking sausage!"
5/26/2006
A Heaven Joke
A lady dies and goes to heaven and is chatting with St Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful blood-curdling screams. "Don't worry about that," says St Peter, "it's only someone having the holes bored on their shoulder blades for the wings."
The lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more blood-curdling screams. "Oh my God," says the lady, "now what is happening"?
"Not to worry," says St. Peter, "they are just having their head drilled to fit the halo." "I can't do this," says the lady, "I'm off down to hell." "You can't go there," says St Peter, "You'll be raped and sodomised." "Yes, but I've already got the holes for that."
The lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more blood-curdling screams. "Oh my God," says the lady, "now what is happening"?
"Not to worry," says St. Peter, "they are just having their head drilled to fit the halo." "I can't do this," says the lady, "I'm off down to hell." "You can't go there," says St Peter, "You'll be raped and sodomised." "Yes, but I've already got the holes for that."
5/25/2006
Really Really Funny Joke
A bloke walks into a bar with a crocodile. Predictably, most of the patrons scarper and the barman complains. But the owner of the croc says, "No worries, mate, watch this." Picking up a bottle, he smashes it over the croc's head. No reaction, other than a wag of the head. The bloke then gets his cock out and puts it in the croc's mouth, but again the croc just wags its head. Then a fellow punter asks if he can try it.
"Help yourself, mate," says the owner.
The punter proceeds to smash a bottle over the croc's head and then put his cock in its mouth. The croc just gives its usual response. Word spreads and several blokes try it. Then an old biddy walks up for a go.
"Can I just make one request, though?" she asks the owner.
"Ask away, " he replies.
"Don't hit me so hard with the bottle."
"Help yourself, mate," says the owner.
The punter proceeds to smash a bottle over the croc's head and then put his cock in its mouth. The croc just gives its usual response. Word spreads and several blokes try it. Then an old biddy walks up for a go.
"Can I just make one request, though?" she asks the owner.
"Ask away, " he replies.
"Don't hit me so hard with the bottle."
5/24/2006
Funny dumb blonde joke
A blonde girl had just purchased a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut up a truck driver.
He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!"
He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.
When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!"
He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car.
When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad.
He gets his knife back out and slices all her tyres.
Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it.
He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.
He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down. "What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.
She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle."
He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!"
He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.
When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!"
He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car.
When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad.
He gets his knife back out and slices all her tyres.
Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it.
He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.
He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down. "What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.
She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle."
5/22/2006
Short Funny Joke
A hideously ugly woman goes into a shop with her two kids.
The shopkeeper asks "Are they twins?"
"No," replied the woman "do they look alike?"
"No, I just can't believe you've been fucked twice!"
The shopkeeper asks "Are they twins?"
"No," replied the woman "do they look alike?"
"No, I just can't believe you've been fucked twice!"
5/17/2006
Short Funny Joke
A man walks into a church confessional and says to the priest,
"Bless me, father, for I have sinned I was with seven different women last night."
The priest is silent for a moment, and then says "Go home and cut seven lemons in half. Squeeze the juice into a glass and drink it down in one gulp."
"And I'll be forgiven?" asks the man.
"No," replies the priest, "but it will wipe that fucking smirk off your face!"
"Bless me, father, for I have sinned I was with seven different women last night."
The priest is silent for a moment, and then says "Go home and cut seven lemons in half. Squeeze the juice into a glass and drink it down in one gulp."
"And I'll be forgiven?" asks the man.
"No," replies the priest, "but it will wipe that fucking smirk off your face!"
5/15/2006
An Irishman Joke
Three men, one American, one Japanese and an Irishman were
sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager," he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a 'phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to
his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile 'phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The Irishman felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided he
had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his ass. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The Irishman glanced around behind him and said ..
" B-jesus , will you look at that, I'm getting a fax!"
jokesjokehumorhumour
sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager," he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a 'phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to
his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile 'phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The Irishman felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided he
had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his ass. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The Irishman glanced around behind him and said ..
" B-jesus , will you look at that, I'm getting a fax!"
jokesjokehumorhumour
5/12/2006
A Medical Joke
A man went to an urologist and told him that he was having a problem; he was unable to get his penis erect.
The doctor checked him out, then told him that the muscles around the base of his penis were damaged from a previous viral infection and that there was nothing he could actually do for him. ; However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if the man was willing to take the
risk.
The treatment consisted of implanting muscle tissues from an elephant's trunk into the man's penis. The man thought about if for a while. The thought of going through life without ever experiencing sex again was just too much for him to bear.
So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty or adverse effect on
the elephant, the man decided to go for it.
A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go try
out his newly renovated equipment. As a result, he planned a romantic
evening with his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants
in town.
However, in the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being extremely painful.
To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his penis immediately sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and then returned to his trousers.
His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly smile on her face said, "That was incredible! Can you do it again?"
With tears in his eyes, he replied, "I think I can, but I'm not sure if another bread roll will fit up my arse..."
jokesjokehumorhumour
The doctor checked him out, then told him that the muscles around the base of his penis were damaged from a previous viral infection and that there was nothing he could actually do for him. ; However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if the man was willing to take the
risk.
The treatment consisted of implanting muscle tissues from an elephant's trunk into the man's penis. The man thought about if for a while. The thought of going through life without ever experiencing sex again was just too much for him to bear.
So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty or adverse effect on
the elephant, the man decided to go for it.
A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go try
out his newly renovated equipment. As a result, he planned a romantic
evening with his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants
in town.
However, in the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being extremely painful.
To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his penis immediately sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and then returned to his trousers.
His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly smile on her face said, "That was incredible! Can you do it again?"
With tears in his eyes, he replied, "I think I can, but I'm not sure if another bread roll will fit up my arse..."
jokesjokehumorhumour
5/11/2006
Three Tests
A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a very large jar behind
the bar. It's filled to the brim with ten dollar bills. The man guesses
there must be thousands of dollars there...He approaches the bartender and asks him: "What's up with the jar?"
Bartender: "Well, you pay ten dollars and if you pass three tests then
you get all of the money."
Man: "What are the three tests?"
Bartender:"Pay first. Those are the rules."
So the guy gives him the ten bucks and the bartender adds it to the jar
with the other bills...
Bartender: "Ok, here's what you have to do. First you have to drink that
whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can't
make a face while doing it. Second, there's a pit bull chained up out back
with a sore tooth. You have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a 90-year-old woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm in her life. You got to make things right for her."
Man: "Well, I know I've paid my ten bucks but I'm not an idiot, I won't
do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get
crazier from there...
Bartender: "Your call. But your money stays in the jar."
Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat
teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon of tequila with both hands, and downs it
with a big slurp. Tears are streaming down his cheeks but he does not
make a face... Next he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear a huge scuffle going on. They hear barking, screams, yelps and growling, and eventually silence.
Just when they think the man must surely be dead, he staggers back into
the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body...
"Now," he says, "where's that woman with the sore tooth?"
the bar. It's filled to the brim with ten dollar bills. The man guesses
there must be thousands of dollars there...He approaches the bartender and asks him: "What's up with the jar?"
Bartender: "Well, you pay ten dollars and if you pass three tests then
you get all of the money."
Man: "What are the three tests?"
Bartender:"Pay first. Those are the rules."
So the guy gives him the ten bucks and the bartender adds it to the jar
with the other bills...
Bartender: "Ok, here's what you have to do. First you have to drink that
whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can't
make a face while doing it. Second, there's a pit bull chained up out back
with a sore tooth. You have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a 90-year-old woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm in her life. You got to make things right for her."
Man: "Well, I know I've paid my ten bucks but I'm not an idiot, I won't
do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get
crazier from there...
Bartender: "Your call. But your money stays in the jar."
Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat
teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon of tequila with both hands, and downs it
with a big slurp. Tears are streaming down his cheeks but he does not
make a face... Next he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear a huge scuffle going on. They hear barking, screams, yelps and growling, and eventually silence.
Just when they think the man must surely be dead, he staggers back into
the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body...
"Now," he says, "where's that woman with the sore tooth?"
5/10/2006
Joke of the day
Three men, one American, one Japanese and an Irishman were
sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager," he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a 'phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to
his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile 'phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The Irishman felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided he
had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his ass. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The Irishman glanced around behind him and said ..
" B-jesus , will you look at that, I'm getting a fax!"
sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager," he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a 'phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to
his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile 'phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The Irishman felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided he
had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his ass. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The Irishman glanced around behind him and said ..
" B-jesus , will you look at that, I'm getting a fax!"
5/08/2006
A Dwarf Joke
A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm.
I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm.
What sort of horse?" said the owner. "A female horth" the dwarf
replies.
So the owner shows him a mare. "Nithe horth." says the dwarf,
"Can I thee her eyeth?" So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him
the horses eyes.
"Nithe eyeth.", says the dwarf, "Can I thee her teeth?" Again the
owner
picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth. "Nithe teeth....
can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says.
By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again, picks up the
dwarf to show him the horses ears. "Nithe eerth.' he says
'Now...can I see
her twot?"
With this the owner picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and
shoves his head deep inside the horses fanny . He holds him there
for a
couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.
The dwarf shakes his head and says:
"Perhaps I should weefwaze that... Can I see her wun awound?"
I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm.
What sort of horse?" said the owner. "A female horth" the dwarf
replies.
So the owner shows him a mare. "Nithe horth." says the dwarf,
"Can I thee her eyeth?" So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him
the horses eyes.
"Nithe eyeth.", says the dwarf, "Can I thee her teeth?" Again the
owner
picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth. "Nithe teeth....
can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says.
By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again, picks up the
dwarf to show him the horses ears. "Nithe eerth.' he says
'Now...can I see
her twot?"
With this the owner picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and
shoves his head deep inside the horses fanny . He holds him there
for a
couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.
The dwarf shakes his head and says:
"Perhaps I should weefwaze that... Can I see her wun awound?"
5/07/2006
An Irishman Joke
Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy" Paddy replies "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then."
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. "Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself
off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face.
"Shoite, Shoite!"
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame.
He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk. He falls flat on his face. "Bi'Jesus... I'm fockin' focked," he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door
and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.
He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin' way". He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I can make it to the bed." He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says "Fock it" and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup
of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?".
Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?"
"Mick called. You left your wheelchair at the pub."
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. "Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself
off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face.
"Shoite, Shoite!"
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame.
He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk. He falls flat on his face. "Bi'Jesus... I'm fockin' focked," he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door
and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.
He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin' way". He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I can make it to the bed." He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says "Fock it" and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup
of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?".
Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?"
"Mick called. You left your wheelchair at the pub."
5/05/2006
Funny Ugly Joke
A woman was very distraught over the fact that she had not had a date or any sex for over 5 years.
She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek medical expertise with the well known Chinese sex therapist, Dr Chang.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr Chang said 'OK, take off all your crose."
The woman did as she was told.
"Now get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room."
Again the woman did as she was instructed.
Dr Chang then said "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me."
As she did Dr Chang shook his head slowly.
"Your probrem vewy bad. You have Ed Zachary disease. Wurse
case I ever see.Dat why you not haf sex or dates."
The woman asked anxiously "Oh my God,Dr Chang what is Ed Zachary disease?"
Dr Chang sighed deeply and replied, " Ed Zachary disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your arse ."
jokes
She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek medical expertise with the well known Chinese sex therapist, Dr Chang.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr Chang said 'OK, take off all your crose."
The woman did as she was told.
"Now get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room."
Again the woman did as she was instructed.
Dr Chang then said "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me."
As she did Dr Chang shook his head slowly.
"Your probrem vewy bad. You have Ed Zachary disease. Wurse
case I ever see.Dat why you not haf sex or dates."
The woman asked anxiously "Oh my God,Dr Chang what is Ed Zachary disease?"
Dr Chang sighed deeply and replied, " Ed Zachary disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your arse ."
jokes
5/03/2006
Joke Of The Day
A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.....
Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my
window?" "Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied. "Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you..
You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand
years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes.I'll
give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for
myself."
"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"
"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked. "I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said. "Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?"
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses.. What do you think?"
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right.
Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"
You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband.I'd do the same for you!"
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent therest of the
afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your husband?"
"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly. "No Kidding." He said, "Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?"
Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my
window?" "Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied. "Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you..
You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand
years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes.I'll
give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for
myself."
"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"
"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked. "I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said. "Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?"
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses.. What do you think?"
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right.
Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"
You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband.I'd do the same for you!"
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent therest of the
afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your husband?"
"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly. "No Kidding." He said, "Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?"
Short Funniest Joke
A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer and goes to HR. She tells them what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him.
The HR supervisor is puzzled by this approach and asks "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?
The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."
After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer and goes to HR. She tells them what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him.
The HR supervisor is puzzled by this approach and asks "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?
The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."
5/02/2006
Short funny animal joke
There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other. One day, they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each three wishes.The bear went first and he said,"I wish to be the only male bear in this forrest." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I want a motercycle helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the United States, and all the rest to be female." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish.
It was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "I wish that bear was gay."
The rabbit said, "I want a motercycle helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the United States, and all the rest to be female." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish.
It was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "I wish that bear was gay."
5/01/2006
Joke Of The Day - Girlfriend Joke
Jim has three girlfriends, but he doesn't know which one to
marry. So he decides to give each one $5,000.00 and see how
each of them spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the
money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure,
the works, and tells Jim, "I spent the money so I could look
pretty for you because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player,
a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says,
"I bought these gifts for you with the money because, Jim, I
love you so much."
The third one takes the $5,000.00 and invests it in the stock
market, doubles her investment, returns the $5,000.00 to the
man and reinvests the rest. She says, "Jim, I am investing the
rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."
So Jim thought long and hard about how each of the women spent
the money, and decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.
marry. So he decides to give each one $5,000.00 and see how
each of them spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the
money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure,
the works, and tells Jim, "I spent the money so I could look
pretty for you because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player,
a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says,
"I bought these gifts for you with the money because, Jim, I
love you so much."
The third one takes the $5,000.00 and invests it in the stock
market, doubles her investment, returns the $5,000.00 to the
man and reinvests the rest. She says, "Jim, I am investing the
rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."
So Jim thought long and hard about how each of the women spent
the money, and decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.
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