3/28/2007

Just Sick, Sick, Sick

A cruise in the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there

were only 3 survivors; Damian, Darren and Deirdre.

They manage to swim to a small island. They lived there for a

couple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do.....


After several years of casual sex, all the time, Deirdre felt

absolutely horrible about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with

both Damian and Darren was so bad that she killed herself.

It was very tragic but Damian and Darren managed to get through it

and, after a while nature once more took its inevitable course....

Well, a couple more years went by and Damian and Darren began to

feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing.....

so they buried her. ! ! ! ! !

3/23/2007

Desert Island Life

A typical English 20 something, having split from his latest girlfriend,
decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and
proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing,
only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most
gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

She replies, "I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here
when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up
with you." "Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of raw
material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree
branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came
from a Eucalyptus tree."

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the
island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found if I
fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I
used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says.

After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf.

As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a
stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the
man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house,she says
casually, "It's not much but I call it home. Sit down, please.

Would you like a drink?" "No! No thank you," he blurts out, still dazed.
"I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

"It's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you
like a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down
on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman
announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable.

Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in
the bathroom cabinet." No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the
bathroom. There, in the cabinet, a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone.
Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a
swivel mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What next?"

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically
positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit
down next to her. "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to
him, "We've been out here for many months. You've been lonely.
There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've
been longing for?" She stares into his eyes ...

He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean . . " he swallows excitedly
and tears start to form in his eyes...


"Don't tell me you've got Sky Sports as well!"

3/18/2007

The Afterlife

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform
the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no
afterlife.After a long life together, the husband was the first to go, and true to
his word he made contact,

"Mary. Mary."

"Is that you, Fred?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, off to the
golf course, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice.

I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much
all afternoon.

After supper, golf course again. Then have sex until late at night. The
next day it starts again."

"Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven."

"Not exactly, I'm a rabbit in Suffolk."