tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-258271072024-03-13T12:12:14.517-07:00Short Funny JokesShort Funny Jokes, Jokes Funny Short. An Ever Increasing Collection Of (mostly adult orientated) Jokes That Amuse Me.
Feel Free To Add Your OwnUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger116125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-39781433138091183572007-12-29T15:48:00.000-08:002007-12-29T15:58:10.329-08:00Christmas FunA beautiful innocent young girl wants to meet Santa Claus so she puts on a robe and stays up late on Christmas Eve. Santa arrives, climbs down the chimney, and begins piling presents under the tree. He is about to leave when the girl, who happens to be a gorgeous redhead, says in a sexy voice, "Oh Santa, please stay. Keep the chill away."Santa replies, "HO HO HO, gotta go, gotta go. Gotta get theUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-29357496182026614772007-11-12T09:07:00.000-08:002007-11-12T09:12:44.380-08:00Little Boy In a ClosetA woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in thebedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She putsher Lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in therealready. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a baseball." Man - "That's Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-4536268402370912372007-10-29T08:37:00.000-07:002007-10-29T08:40:53.338-07:00God And The BlondeA blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the Lotto."Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it. She again prays..."God, Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-27815487053410496212007-10-15T10:25:00.000-07:002007-10-15T10:34:14.713-07:00Lace KnickersTwo guys in a health club, one is putting on lace knickers."Since when do you wear womens pants?""Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-4991188977377396302007-10-01T02:56:00.000-07:002007-10-01T03:04:23.919-07:00Crocodile At The PubA man walks into a bar with a crocodile, he asks the bar tender "Do you serve niggers?". He responds "Of course, we're not a racist pub". So the guy says "Right, i'll have a pint for myself, and a nigger for my crocodile!"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-54798669029212916562007-09-25T08:21:00.000-07:002007-09-24T17:05:42.344-07:00Dildo JokeA family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says "Don't worry. That was an insect."To which one of the boys replies "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-3589835530204700852007-09-17T15:41:00.000-07:002007-09-17T08:05:48.421-07:00Dildo ShopA bloke starts a new job in a sex shop. His boss has to go on an errand, so leaves our man in charge of the shop floor for a while.A black woman comes in and starts browsing the dildoes."May I be of assistance, madam?" enquires the bloke."Yes - how much are your dildoes?" replies she."They're all £35.""In that case I'll have a white one. I've never had a white one before."As she leaves with her Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-52820632132697466092007-09-05T15:32:00.000-07:002007-09-05T15:41:12.242-07:00Genie JokeA guy walks into a bar with a cork shoved up his arse. The Bartender asks him how it happened so the guys sighs and says:"Well, I was walking along the beach when I came across this magic lantern. I picked it up and started to brush off the dirt when all of a sudden this genie pops out.The genie told me I could have three wishes and I said.. No shit!"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-25498284324991682152007-08-27T13:01:00.000-07:002007-08-27T13:04:58.656-07:00Blonde Bank RobberA blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank. They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action. The brunette drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob. She turned to the blonde and asked her, "Now, do you remember what the plan is?" The blonde sighed and replied, "Yeah, yeah, I remember..." The brunette went over the plan once more and let the blonde out toUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-21520377684100343042007-08-14T05:27:00.000-07:002007-08-14T05:30:36.066-07:00FiremanA fireman is polishing his fire engine outside the fire station when henotices a little girl next door in a little red cart with little laddershung on the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.The little girl is wearing a fireman's helmet and has the cart tied to adog and a cat.The fire-fighter walks over to take a closer look."That's a lovely fire engine,' he says admiringly.'Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-64477184148937222012007-08-07T00:25:00.000-07:002007-08-07T00:33:37.343-07:00The MagicianA magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each weekso the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only oneproblem : the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understandhow the magician did every trick.Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show: "Look,it's not the same hat!" or "Look he's hiding the flowers under the Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-92167754017522650432007-08-01T04:52:00.000-07:002007-08-01T04:56:39.622-07:00SmilesThree dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.Coroner tells the Inspector: "First body: A Frenchman, 72, died of heart failure while with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile.""Second body: "Irishman, 25, won a thousand dollars on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-89864051480228486642007-07-23T07:05:00.000-07:002007-07-23T07:10:33.125-07:00Little Old Lady JokeA tour bus driver has a bus full of senior citizens. As he’s driving, the bus driver gets tapped on the shoulder by a little old lady.She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully eats. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times.When she is about to hand him another batch of Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-29768200207680336702007-07-16T01:07:00.000-07:002007-07-16T01:18:02.773-07:00Old Man At The DoctorsAn 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.... The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?""There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that!""Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.The Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-15765701107726462832007-07-09T04:45:00.000-07:002007-07-09T04:46:46.876-07:00Little GirlA father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention.He noticed she was looking at two spiders Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-76304804672991538462007-07-02T00:12:00.000-07:002007-07-02T00:19:44.328-07:00Two StatuesThere are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nudewoman.They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years,when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a singlegesture, brings the two to life.The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through ahundred blazing summers and dismal winters,you have been given lifefor thirty minutes to do Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-29130376079006108952007-06-25T02:02:00.000-07:002007-06-25T02:06:43.888-07:00Two NunsThere were two nuns...One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us forthe past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.SL: It's logical. He wants to molest us.SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-41188032678639671102007-06-18T01:04:00.000-07:002007-06-18T01:06:34.835-07:00Toothbrush SalesmanA man is looking in the classified ads for a job. He notices an advertisement for a toothbrush salesman and figured that couldn't such a bad job. So, he calls in, he goes in and they hire him. The next day, he heads out to a neighborhood to make some sales. Five hours later he comes home and says, "Man, I only sold one toothbrush. That's not enough"So the next day he goes to a richer neighborhoodUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-709212133826968932007-06-10T04:26:00.000-07:002007-06-10T04:29:04.573-07:00Little Old Lady JokeA little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting, because they don't smell and are quite silent."The doctor says, "I see. Please take two of these pills each day, Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-91862553705491269912007-06-02T03:16:00.000-07:002007-06-02T10:31:29.755-07:00A Pub JokeAn attractive young woman walks up 2 a bar in a rural pub. She signals 4 the barman 2 bring his face close 2 hers. "Are u the manager?" she asks, running her fingers thru his hair. "No", he replies. "Can u get him 4 me?",she asks, stroking his face and allowing 2 fingers 2 slip into his mouth so he can suck them gently. " No sorry" he replies, clearly aroused "Can i give him a message?" "Tell himUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-59524793353980389782007-05-28T03:13:00.000-07:002007-05-28T10:11:38.642-07:00A Wedding JokeA wedding occurred just outside Cavan in Ireland. To keep tradition going, everyone gets extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the shit out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight.The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroomUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-51624307191449354652007-05-20T03:11:00.000-07:002007-05-20T06:20:01.532-07:00A Short Irish JokeAn Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet."I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds."When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 POUNDS!"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"The Irishman Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-3656808503596458072007-05-14T03:09:00.000-07:002007-05-14T03:11:24.206-07:00Short Blonde JokeTwo blonde insurgents are driving on their way to bomb some government buildings, the blonde in the passenger seat nervously holding their pack of explosives asks;" What happens if it goes off now?""Oh thats ok," replies the driver " Theres another one in the back'.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-24947895243996940852007-05-06T10:57:00.000-07:002007-05-05T16:18:35.804-07:00A Short Blonde JokeA blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote a note."I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7 AM."Signed, "The Blonde."She pinned the note inside the littleUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-6246980002506173222007-04-28T10:56:00.000-07:002007-04-28T10:57:22.748-07:00Little Old Lady JokeA little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales clerk: "Dddooo youuuu hhhave dddddiilllldoooesss?"The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies: "Yes we do have dildos. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0