tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-258271072011-08-08T05:12:50.409-07:00Short Funny Jokes, Jokes Funny Short. An Ever Increasing Collection Of (mostly adult orientated) Jokes That Amuse Me. Feel Free To Add Your Ownup the villanoreply@blogger.comBlogger1161100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-39781433138091183572007-12-29T15:48:00.000-08:002007-12-29T15:58:10.329-08:00

A beautiful innocent young girl wants to meet Santa Claus so she puts on a robe and stays up late on Christmas Eve. Santa arrives, climbs down the chimney, and begins piling presents under the tree. He is about to leave when the girl, who happens to be a gorgeous redhead, says in a sexy voice, "Oh Santa, please stay. Keep the chill away."Santa replies, "HO HO HO, gotta go, gotta go. Gotta get the

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-29357496182026614772007-11-12T09:07:00.000-08:002007-11-12T09:12:44.380-08:00

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in thebedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She putsher Lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in therealready. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a baseball." Man - "That's

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-4536268402370912372007-10-29T08:37:00.000-07:002007-10-29T08:40:53.338-07:00

A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the Lotto."Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it. She again prays..."God,

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-27815487053410496212007-10-15T10:25:00.000-07:002007-10-15T10:34:14.713-07:00

Two guys in a health club, one is putting on lace knickers."Since when do you wear womens pants?""Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!"

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-4991188977377396302007-10-01T02:56:00.000-07:002007-10-01T03:04:23.919-07:00

A man walks into a bar with a crocodile, he asks the bar tender "Do you serve niggers?". He responds "Of course, we're not a racist pub". So the guy says "Right, i'll have a pint for myself, and a nigger for my crocodile!"

up the villanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-54798669029212916562007-09-25T08:21:00.000-07:002007-09-24T17:05:42.344-07:00

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says "Don't worry. That was an insect."To which one of the boys replies "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-3589835530204700852007-09-17T15:41:00.000-07:002007-09-17T08:05:48.421-07:00

A bloke starts a new job in a sex shop. His boss has to go on an errand, so leaves our man in charge of the shop floor for a while.A black woman comes in and starts browsing the dildoes."May I be of assistance, madam?" enquires the bloke."Yes - how much are your dildoes?" replies she."They're all £35.""In that case I'll have a white one. I've never had a white one before."As she leaves with her

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-52820632132697466092007-09-05T15:32:00.000-07:002007-09-05T15:41:12.242-07:00

A guy walks into a bar with a cork shoved up his arse. The Bartender asks him how it happened so the guys sighs and says:"Well, I was walking along the beach when I came across this magic lantern. I picked it up and started to brush off the dirt when all of a sudden this genie pops out.The genie told me I could have three wishes and I said.. No shit!"

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-25498284324991682152007-08-27T13:01:00.000-07:002007-08-27T13:04:58.656-07:00

A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank. They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action. The brunette drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob. She turned to the blonde and asked her, "Now, do you remember what the plan is?" The blonde sighed and replied, "Yeah, yeah, I remember..." The brunette went over the plan once more and let the blonde out to

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-21520377684100343042007-08-14T05:27:00.000-07:002007-08-14T05:30:36.066-07:00

A fireman is polishing his fire engine outside the fire station when henotices a little girl next door in a little red cart with little laddershung on the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.The little girl is wearing a fireman's helmet and has the cart tied to adog and a cat.The fire-fighter walks over to take a closer look."That's a lovely fire engine,' he says admiringly.'

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-64477184148937222012007-08-07T00:25:00.000-07:002007-08-07T00:33:37.343-07:00

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each weekso the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only oneproblem : the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understandhow the magician did every trick.Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show: "Look,it's not the same hat!" or "Look he's hiding the flowers under the

up the villanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-92167754017522650432007-08-01T04:52:00.000-07:002007-08-01T04:56:39.622-07:00

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.Coroner tells the Inspector: "First body: A Frenchman, 72, died of heart failure while with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile.""Second body: "Irishman, 25, won a thousand dollars on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning,

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-89864051480228486642007-07-23T07:05:00.000-07:002007-07-23T07:10:33.125-07:00

A tour bus driver has a bus full of senior citizens. As he’s driving, the bus driver gets tapped on the shoulder by a little old lady.She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully eats. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times.When she is about to hand him another batch of

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-29768200207680336702007-07-16T01:07:00.000-07:002007-07-16T01:18:02.773-07:00

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.... The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?""There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that!""Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.The

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-15765701107726462832007-07-09T04:45:00.000-07:002007-07-09T04:46:46.876-07:00

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention.He noticed she was looking at two spiders

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-76304804672991538462007-07-02T00:12:00.000-07:002007-07-02T00:19:44.328-07:00

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nudewoman.They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years,when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a singlegesture, brings the two to life.The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through ahundred blazing summers and dismal winters,you have been given lifefor thirty minutes to do

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-29130376079006108952007-06-25T02:02:00.000-07:002007-06-25T02:06:43.888-07:00

There were two nuns...One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us forthe past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.SL: It's logical. He wants to molest us.SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-41188032678639671102007-06-18T01:04:00.000-07:002007-06-18T01:06:34.835-07:00

A man is looking in the classified ads for a job. He notices an advertisement for a toothbrush salesman and figured that couldn't such a bad job. So, he calls in, he goes in and they hire him. The next day, he heads out to a neighborhood to make some sales. Five hours later he comes home and says, "Man, I only sold one toothbrush. That's not enough"So the next day he goes to a richer neighborhood

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-709212133826968932007-06-10T04:26:00.000-07:002007-06-10T04:29:04.573-07:00

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting, because they don't smell and are quite silent."The doctor says, "I see. Please take two of these pills each day,

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-91862553705491269912007-06-02T03:16:00.000-07:002007-06-02T10:31:29.755-07:00

An attractive young woman walks up 2 a bar in a rural pub. She signals 4 the barman 2 bring his face close 2 hers. "Are u the manager?" she asks, running her fingers thru his hair. "No", he replies. "Can u get him 4 me?",she asks, stroking his face and allowing 2 fingers 2 slip into his mouth so he can suck them gently. " No sorry" he replies, clearly aroused "Can i give him a message?" "Tell him

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-59524793353980389782007-05-28T03:13:00.000-07:002007-05-28T10:11:38.642-07:00

A wedding occurred just outside Cavan in Ireland. To keep tradition going, everyone gets extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the shit out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight.The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroom

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-51624307191449354652007-05-20T03:11:00.000-07:002007-05-20T06:20:01.532-07:00

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet."I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds."When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 POUNDS!"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"The Irishman

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-3656808503596458072007-05-14T03:09:00.000-07:002007-05-14T03:11:24.206-07:00

Two blonde insurgents are driving on their way to bomb some government buildings, the blonde in the passenger seat nervously holding their pack of explosives asks;" What happens if it goes off now?""Oh thats ok," replies the driver " Theres another one in the back'.

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-24947895243996940852007-05-06T10:57:00.000-07:002007-05-05T16:18:35.804-07:00

A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote a note."I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7 AM."Signed, "The Blonde."She pinned the note inside the little

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-6246980002506173222007-04-28T10:56:00.000-07:002007-04-28T10:57:22.748-07:00

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales clerk: "Dddooo youuuu hhhave dddddiilllldoooesss?"The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies: "Yes we do have dildos.

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-67877491650959743662007-04-23T07:27:00.000-07:002007-04-22T18:59:10.053-07:00

One day a man was pissing in a public bathroom and a midget walked in and set up a step-ladder. When the man looked down, he noticed the midget staring at his balls."Excuse me, sir," said the midget. "I was just really admiring your balls. Mind if I hold them?""Why not?" said the man.So the midget grabs onto one of his balls and says, "Now give me your wallet or I'll jump!"

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-45508809037929762912007-04-18T07:25:00.000-07:002007-04-18T02:15:59.147-07:00

A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle. She rubs it and, you guessed it, a genie appears.The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much."The woman says, "Okay. Give me a nice house."The genie replies, "You now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world have two."The the

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-68036818093580036832007-04-16T07:23:00.000-07:002007-04-16T03:46:48.868-07:00

Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls 50 feet to the ground below and he is killed instantly.After the coroner leaves with Steve''s body, Bob volunteers to inform Steve''s wife of the terrible news. Some two hours later, Bob returns to the work site with a six-pack of beer under his arms."Say, Bob, where did you get the six-pack?""Steve''s wife gave

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-5890106345625514942007-04-12T07:17:00.000-07:002007-04-12T07:21:47.607-07:00

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her.Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute....""Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this

up the villanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-15111651750893641372007-04-04T11:54:00.000-07:002007-04-04T11:55:06.754-07:00

A young woman in New York was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the East River .She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her teetering on the edge of the pier, crying.He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Hawaii in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-35273380135833286982007-03-28T16:50:00.000-07:002007-03-28T08:36:13.767-07:00

A cruise in the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and therewere only 3 survivors; Damian, Darren and Deirdre.They manage to swim to a small island. They lived there for acouple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do.....After several years of casual sex, all the time, Deirdre feltabsolutely horrible about what she had been doing. She felt having sex withboth Damian and Darren

up the villanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-32030468239586917552007-03-23T16:47:00.000-07:002007-03-23T07:25:49.844-07:00

A typical English 20 something, having split from his latest girlfriend,decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise andproceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing,only bananas and coconuts.After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the mostgorgeous woman he

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-70796730694448755792007-03-18T16:43:00.000-07:002007-03-18T16:45:43.299-07:00

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and informthe other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was noafterlife.After a long life together, the husband was the first to go, and true tohis word he made contact,"Mary. Mary.""Is that you, Fred?""Yes, I've come back like we agreed.""What's it like?""Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, off

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1170695490128603262007-02-17T09:11:00.000-08:002007-02-17T13:48:43.943-08:00

The 5 secrets to a perfect relationship.1- It is importnant that a woman helps you around the house as well as having a job.2 - It is important that a woman makes you laugh3 - It is importnant you can find a woman that you can count on and that does not lie to you.4 - It is important that a woman is good in bed and loves making love with you.5 - It is extremely important that these 4 women do not

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1170695453966944672007-02-09T09:09:00.000-08:002007-02-09T14:53:28.783-08:00

After having dug to a depth of 1000 meters last year, Scottish Scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 1000 years ago.Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, English scientists dug to a depth of 2000 meters and shortly after headlines in the UK newspapers read: "

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1170695373196103692007-02-05T09:08:00.000-08:002007-02-05T09:09:33.210-08:00

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise".The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down."Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.He hasn't, so she asks him to look in

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1169943466379490792007-01-27T16:16:00.000-08:002007-01-27T16:17:46.396-08:00

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1167999563662251722007-01-05T04:18:00.000-08:002007-01-05T04:19:23.673-08:00

Two guys are talking over a beer, discussing various sex positions. The first guy says his favorite position is the "rodeo." The other guy asks what the position is, and how to do it? The first guy says, "You tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours and then do it doggy style. Once things start to get under way and she's really enjoying it, lean forward and whisper in her ear, 'Your sister

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1167418956004201432006-12-29T11:01:00.000-08:002006-12-29T11:02:36.016-08:00

A guy walks into a bar and sits down to have a drink. There is a good looking wench sitting nearby. She looks at him a gives him a wink. He scoots over and offers her a drink, which she gratefully accepts. After a few mild pleasantries of conversation, the young lady mentions she is going through a divorce."You too?" says the man. Why are you getting a divorce?" "My husband thinks I am too

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1166103560689186472006-12-14T05:37:00.000-08:002006-12-14T05:39:20.730-08:00

I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had beendating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only onelittle thing bothering me .. it was her beautiful younger sister.My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tightminiskirts,and generally was bra less. She would regularly bend down when she wasnear me, and I always got more than a pleasant view

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1162462093202376132006-11-10T01:56:00.000-08:002006-11-10T09:15:57.623-08:00

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together.They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1162461305493311722006-11-02T01:54:00.000-08:002006-12-18T08:31:07.440-08:00

A man has never had sex, and he gets into bed with his wife on his wedding night.His wife gets naked, sits on the bed, and says, "Do you know what I want?"He says, "No."She gets in bed, spreads her legs wide, and says, "Now do you know what I want?"He says, "Yeah... you want the whole bed to yourself.

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1162056740951276772006-10-28T10:31:00.000-07:002006-12-18T08:31:24.926-08:00

An Australian guy is travelling around the Greek Islands.He walks into a bar and, by chance, is served by an AustralianBarmaid. As she takes his order, a Foster's, she notices hisaccent. Over the Course of the evening they get chatting. At theend of her shift he asks if she wants to come back to his place.Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers topay her $200 to sleep with

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1160738762347527292006-10-23T04:25:00.000-07:002006-12-18T08:31:42.330-08:00

Can I have some Irish Sausages please ?", asked PaddyThe Assistant looked at him and asked "Are you Irish?""If I asked you for Italian Sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German ?Or if I asked you for a Kosher Hot Dog, would you ask me if I wasJewish?Or, if I asked you for a Taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican?Would Ya?

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1160737647773958272006-10-20T04:01:00.000-07:002006-10-20T02:38:08.700-07:00

The Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican and, because they have requested an audience, and as they are THE Seven Dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope.Dopey leads the pack."Dopey, my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"Dopey asks, "Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome ?"The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment, and answers, "No,

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1160737242000124482006-10-13T03:58:00.000-07:002006-10-13T04:00:42.003-07:00

A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partiallyburied in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted threewishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surroundedby 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1160355743184373392006-10-08T17:45:00.000-07:002006-12-18T08:32:18.090-08:00

Freddie Mercury, Versace and The Queen Mother arrive at the Pearlygates. St Peter explains that only one can get through and that theyeach have to put forward their case for entry.Freddie says "I know I haven't led a perfect life and I've made somemistakes along the way, but I've made some of the most beautifulmusic in the world. I'll stand at the back of heaven, and serenadeeverybody with my

up the villanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1159888955520046722006-10-03T08:19:00.000-07:002006-12-18T08:32:37.226-08:00

While on holiday in Kenya and walking through the bush a man comes across an elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seems distressed so the man approaches very carefully. He gets down on one knee and inspects the bottom of the elephant's foot only to find a large thorn deeply imbedded. As carefully and as gently as he can he removes the thorn and the elephant gingerly puts

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1159727922575713132006-10-01T11:37:00.000-07:002006-12-18T08:32:55.350-08:00

A train hits a busload of schoolgirls and they all perish.They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter. =St. Peter asks the first girl, "Kimberly, have you ever had any contact with a penis?"She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1159200099585836452006-09-25T09:00:00.000-07:002006-12-18T08:33:14.366-08:00

A Kiwi buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant.The vet tells

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1158954629400740132006-09-22T12:49:00.000-07:002006-12-18T08:33:44.576-08:00

A man with a briefcase walks into a talent agent's office unannounced. "I have an act you have to see," he says to the agent."Well," the agent cautiously replies, "I do have a 15 minute window. Sure, show me what you can do."Without a word, the man opens his briefcase. He carefully removes what appears to be a tiny grand piano from it. Placing it carefully on the agent's desk, he procedes to

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1158586649104546562006-09-18T06:34:00.000-07:002006-12-18T08:34:06.650-08:00

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up.One is a good looking older man in his mid-sixties and the other is a gorgeousbrunette in her mid-twenties.The circus owner tells them: "I'm not going to sugar coat it.This is one ferocious lion.He ate my last tamer, so you guys better be good or you're history.Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun.Who wants to try out

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1158230866545757972006-09-14T03:44:00.000-07:002006-12-18T08:34:26.960-08:00

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas." The bossliked the kid so he gave him the job."You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1157964742316665772006-09-11T01:50:00.000-07:002006-12-18T08:35:00.810-08:00

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the casino table. A very attractive blonde woman from Wiltshire arrived and bet twenty-thousand pounds ( £20,000) on a single roll of the dice.She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless." With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, "Come on, baby.... West Country Girl needs new clothes!"As the dice

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1157317024328447962006-09-06T13:56:00.000-07:002006-12-18T08:35:22.246-08:00

A man was standing having a pee in the toilets when he turned to the man next to him and said"You're Jewish aren't you ?"and his neighbour replied, " Yes, I am."and the man carried on " And you're circumsized aren't you ? "and his neighbour replied "Yes, I am it's part of my faith"and the man carried on " And it was the old Rabbi Stein who did the circumcision"And his neighbour said "That's

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1157316604481603552006-09-03T13:47:00.000-07:002006-09-03T13:57:13.190-07:00

The Italian says "After I make a-love to my a-wife I kiss her from her a-neck to her a-knees and she floats-a 20 centimetres above-a the bed in ecstasy". The Frenchman says "Zat eez notheeng, after I make passionate love to my wife I kiss her all down her body and then kiss zee soles of her feet and she floats 1 metre above zee bed in ectasy". The Irishman says " Dat`s nuttun, after Oiv`e shagged

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1156500330111563982006-08-25T03:04:00.000-07:002006-09-03T13:47:12.093-07:00

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in the bar and asks if he could buy him a drink."Why of course," comes the reply.The first man then asks, "Where are you from?"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.The first man responds, "You don't say. I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland.""Of course," replies the second man, and they both pour back their drinks.Curious, the

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1156500265852279292006-08-25T03:00:00.000-07:002006-08-25T03:04:25.883-07:00

Two dogs were sitting in a vet's office. The bigger of the dogs gruffs, "Whatcha doing here?"The little dog responds, "I'm getting 'fixed'. Whenever I see my mistress I get so horny I just jump on her leg and start pumping. It's very embarrassing."The first dog says, "Yeah, I know what you mean. One morning my mistress had just got out of the shower, and was sitting on the side of the bed. She

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1156237348517481262006-08-22T01:53:00.000-07:002006-12-18T08:36:29.973-08:00

A woman brought a very limp duck into a vet. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the Bird's' chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so Sorry, your duck has p assed away." The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm quite sure. The duck is dead," he replied. "How can you be so sure," she protested. "I

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1155803897518473392006-08-17T01:32:00.000-07:002006-08-17T01:38:17.533-07:00

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1155409812080083632006-08-12T12:08:00.000-07:002006-12-18T08:37:13.040-08:00

Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age? Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old. Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st? Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me. Defense Attorney: Did you know him? Little Old

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1146415547807219002006-08-01T09:45:00.000-07:002006-08-01T06:03:50.916-07:00

An English man and an Irish man are driving head on , at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving too fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Englishman goes to

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1154440428693728412006-08-01T06:53:00.000-07:002006-08-01T06:53:48.706-07:00

A plane is on its way to Toronto when a blonde in economy class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde passenger that she paid for 'Economy' and that she will have to go and sit in the back. The blonde replies, 'I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Toronto and I'm staying right

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1153234567538452742006-07-18T07:55:00.000-07:002006-12-18T08:37:55.066-08:00

A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?" Barman says: "No." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, we have no bread." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, we haven't got any f**king bread." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any f**king bread, ask me again and I'll nail your f**king

up the villanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1152485247582816892006-07-10T15:44:00.000-07:002006-07-11T02:23:31.293-07:00

A Hawaiian woodpecker and a California woodpecker were arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Hawaii woodpecker said Hawaii had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.The California woodpecker accepted his challenge, and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Hawaiian woodpecker was in awe.The California woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecker to peck a

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1152485033419249312006-07-09T15:42:00.000-07:002006-07-09T15:43:53.436-07:00

The ventriloquist... with his dummy on his knee starts going through the usual dumb blonde jokes, when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you that keep women like me

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1152127239285151472006-07-05T12:12:00.000-07:002006-07-05T16:21:46.093-07:00

Two dyslexics travelling in a car together. One turns to the other and says "Can you smell petrol?" The other turns to him and says "Petrol? I can't even smell my name"

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1151844712514443842006-07-02T05:51:00.000-07:002006-07-02T05:51:52.526-07:00

A man is walking past a primary school when he hears a very loud cry of '13! 13! 13!' coming from inside. wondering what the chanting is all about he finds a hole in the wall and looks through it. suddenly a small finger reaches from the classroom and pokes him in the eye. the kids then start chanting '14! 14! 14!'

up the villanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1151443771984516552006-06-27T14:25:00.000-07:002006-06-27T14:29:32.000-07:00

A woman goes into Harrods to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. The Harrods salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but, if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1151053512795428572006-06-23T02:01:00.000-07:002006-12-18T08:39:50.996-08:00

Sadly, Tony was born without ears, and though he proved to be successful in business, his problem annoyed him greatly. One day he needed to hire a new manager for his company, so he set up three interviews. The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to know and was very interesting, but at the end of the interview, Tony asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" "Why, yes,

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1150895950318355982006-06-21T06:13:00.000-07:002006-12-18T08:40:18.736-08:00

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape. The angry guards then bring the redhead

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1150791353715658912006-06-20T01:14:00.000-07:002006-12-18T08:40:38.903-08:00

A man isn't very good with the ladies so he goes down to the red light district and comes acros a woman. He asks her what can I get for £500? She answered 'What would you like?' the man didn't know as he hadn't done anything before so she said I'll do 69. The guys happy but has no idea what it's all about, she gets on top of him and takes up the position and a few seconds later she farts! and it

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1150360708883902202006-06-15T01:36:00.000-07:002006-06-15T01:54:18.063-07:00

A man enters the confessional and says to the Irish Priest, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had s*x with Fannie Green every week for the last month." The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say 3 Hail Mary's." Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had s*x with Fannie Green

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1150128760159340172006-06-12T09:06:00.000-07:002006-06-12T09:12:40.160-07:00

A bloke sees a sign in a petshop window saying "Talking dog for sale. Yours for £5. Enquire within." He walks inside. There's no one behind the counter. Just a mutt. The chap has his doubts, but, since there's no one around, he says to the dog "Do you talk?" The dog looks at him and says "Of course. Can't you read?" "That's incredible," says the man. "And how did you end up for sale in a pet shop

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1150128351410003682006-06-12T09:04:00.000-07:002006-06-12T09:05:51.420-07:00

Two women walking home pissed had to have a pee so they ducked into a graveyard. They had no bog roll so one woman used her knickers and threw them away. The other found a ribbon from a wreath and used that. The next day their husbands were talking. One said " we'd better keep an eye on our wives, mine came home without her knickers" The other one said " you think thats bad. Mine had a card stuck

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1150036687479335522006-06-11T07:37:00.000-07:002006-06-11T07:38:07.490-07:00

At the end of a tiny deserted bar in Liverpool is a huge scouser bloke 6-feet, 5-inches tall and 350lbs. He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed and obviously gay man minces in and sits beside him. After 3 or 4 beers, the gay fella finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big Liverpudlian. Leaning over he whispers, "Do you want a blow job?" At this, the massive Merseysider

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1149543414483116392006-06-05T14:34:00.000-07:002006-06-05T14:36:54.493-07:00

Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first met. Sitting at a café, the little old man says, "Remember the first time I met you over 50 years ago? We left this cafe, went round the corner behind the gas works, and I gave you one from behind." "Why, yes, I remember it well, dear," replies the little old lady with a grin. "Well, for old time's

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1149257757304703332006-06-02T07:15:00.000-07:002006-06-02T07:15:57.320-07:00

A new young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1148827700959252622006-05-28T07:38:00.000-07:002006-05-28T07:48:20.976-07:00

An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1148749191925005772006-05-27T09:59:00.000-07:002006-05-27T09:59:51.950-07:00

2 sausages in an oven. 1st one says: jesus it's hot in here!" 2nd one says " fuck me a talking sausage!"

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1148654532087150192006-05-26T07:38:00.000-07:002006-05-26T07:42:12.106-07:00

A lady dies and goes to heaven and is chatting with St Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful blood-curdling screams. "Don't worry about that," says St Peter, "it's only someone having the holes bored on their shoulder blades for the wings." The lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more blood-curdling

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1146583848946053242006-05-25T08:28:00.000-07:002006-05-25T02:53:43.326-07:00

A bloke walks into a bar with a crocodile. Predictably, most of the patrons scarper and the barman complains. But the owner of the croc says, "No worries, mate, watch this." Picking up a bottle, he smashes it over the croc's head. No reaction, other than a wag of the head. The bloke then gets his cock out and puts it in the croc's mouth, but again the croc just wags its head. Then a fellow punter

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1146416079712654712006-05-24T09:54:00.000-07:002006-05-24T04:04:48.423-07:00

A blonde girl had just purchased a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut up a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!" He then went to her car and cut up her leather

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1146415994341161362006-05-22T09:52:00.000-07:002006-05-22T01:50:01.136-07:00

A hideously ugly woman goes into a shop with her two kids. The shopkeeper asks "Are they twins?" "No," replied the woman "do they look alike?" "No, I just can't believe you've been fucked twice!"

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1147879591389345802006-05-17T08:19:00.000-07:002006-05-17T08:26:31.403-07:00

A man walks into a church confessional and says to the priest, "Bless me, father, for I have sinned I was with seven different women last night." The priest is silent for a moment, and then says "Go home and cut seven lemons in half. Squeeze the juice into a glass and drink it down in one gulp.""And I'll be forgiven?" asks the man. "No," replies the priest, "but it will wipe that fucking smirk

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1146816984132577702006-05-15T01:16:00.000-07:002006-05-15T04:53:44.193-07:00

Three men, one American, one Japanese and an Irishman were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager," he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a 'phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1147439525215639652006-05-12T06:11:00.000-07:002006-05-12T07:01:47.203-07:00

A man went to an urologist and told him that he was having a problem; he was unable to get his penis erect. The doctor checked him out, then told him that the muscles around the base of his penis were damaged from a previous viral infection and that there was nothing he could actually do for him. ; However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if the man was willing to take the

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1147360259154164122006-05-11T08:10:00.000-07:002006-05-11T08:10:59.170-07:00

A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a very large jar behind the bar. It's filled to the brim with ten dollar bills. The man guesses there must be thousands of dollars there...He approaches the bartender and asks him: "What's up with the jar?" Bartender: "Well, you pay ten dollars and if you pass three tests then you get all of the money." Man: "What are the three tests?" Bartender:"Pay

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1147268788528090402006-05-10T06:45:00.000-07:002006-05-10T06:46:28.540-07:00

Three men, one American, one Japanese and an Irishman were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager," he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a 'phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1147098549850044852006-05-08T07:14:00.000-07:002006-05-08T07:29:09.896-07:00

A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm. I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm. What sort of horse?" said the owner. "A female horth" the dwarf replies. So the owner shows him a mare. "Nithe horth." says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyeth?" So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes. "Nithe eyeth.", says the dwarf, "Can I thee her teeth?" Again the owner picks

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1146584237765872742006-05-07T08:36:00.000-07:002006-05-07T05:25:47.923-07:00

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy" Paddy replies "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then." Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. "Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1146659619796467752006-05-05T05:32:00.000-07:002006-06-13T01:37:46.836-07:00

A woman was very distraught over the fact that she had not had a date or any sex for over 5 years. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek medical expertise with the well known Chinese sex therapist, Dr Chang. Upon entering the examination room, Dr Chang said 'OK, take off all your crose." The woman did as she was told. "Now get down and craw reery, reery

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1146584473579580962006-05-03T08:40:00.000-07:002006-05-02T08:41:13.596-07:00

A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf..... Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us." So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1144761849197493802006-05-03T06:23:00.000-07:002006-06-13T01:41:42.466-07:00

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer and goes to HR. She tells them what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him.The HR supervisor is puzzled by this approach and asks "What's sexually

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1146583455622046202006-05-02T08:17:00.000-07:002006-06-13T01:40:00.366-07:00

There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other. One day, they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each three wishes.The bear went first and he said,"I wish to be the only male bear in this forrest." And he got his wish. The rabbit said, "I want a motercycle helmet." And he got his wish. The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the United States,

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1146415695772020452006-05-01T09:47:00.000-07:002006-06-13T01:42:51.986-07:00

Jim has three girlfriends, but he doesn't know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5,000.00 and see how each of them spends it. The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells Jim, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much." The second one went out and

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1146415929565568832006-04-30T09:51:00.000-07:002006-06-13T01:43:52.783-07:00

It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same villages and towns. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift cheque for £50. At the second house they presented him an 18-carat gold watch. The folks at the

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1146415370512530612006-04-30T09:38:00.000-07:002006-04-30T09:42:50.513-07:00

This bloke with Tourette's Syndrome walks into the most exclusive restaurant in town; "Where's the pissing, motherf***ing manager, you cock sucking arsewipe?" he enquires of one of the waiters. The waiter is taken aback and replies; "Excuse me sir but could you refrain from using that sort of language in here. I will get the manager as soon as I can". The manager comes over and the bloke asks; "

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1146329211508266892006-04-29T09:46:00.000-07:002006-04-29T09:48:13.623-07:00

A man goes to the doctor's for his wife's test results. Mr. Smith says to the receptionist "I'm here for Mrs. Smith's test results." The receptionist replies "Oh, I'm sorry Mr Smith, there's been a problem. We have 2 sets of test results for a Mrs. Smith and we don't know which belongs to your wife... I'm afraid it's bad news or terrible news. One test shows Alzheimer's Disease, the other shows

up the villanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25827107.post-1146153592473288472006-04-27T08:37:00.000-07:002006-04-29T07:40:48.260-07:00

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

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